Of Comfort
by Miranda Jones1
Summary: When James Kirk is forced to take a class about the Tarsus IV Massacre, he breaks down. Christopher Pike figures out what is happening, and offers the comfort that Jim so desperately needs. AU, Academy era fic. Oneshot.


Of Comfort by Miranda Jones1

I hope you enjoy my first Star Trek fic to date. Constructive criticism would be helpful.

Thanks to Romantic Ravenclaw for looking this over for me.

...

James Tiberius Kirk bolted out of his seat and through the door. He ignored the various exclamations of surprise and the calls from the teacher to come back or there would be consequences.

The nearest bathroom was empty and Jim didn't bother to lock the stall as he dropped to his knees and lost his breakfast.

He had been holding out just fine for the past week or so, even though he'd been unusually quiet and subdued. Bones had been giving him weird looks but hadn't said anything, something which Jim was grateful for. It didn't help that this was the one class that he had with Bones.

But today had been the last straw - the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak.

Introduction to Ethics - the one class that Jim hadn't been able to test out of - was studying the infamous Tarsus IV massacre. Jim had held through the mentions of the Tarsus Nine, as they were called - those who could identify Governor Kodos and had a mysterious leader called JT. Very few people in the universe had clearance to know who the Tarsus Nine were, much less the identity of JT.

Short for James Tiberius.

He had also managed to hold up through the recordings of Kodos' execution speech. Jim had witnessed that very speech in person.

But today - today the teacher had suggested that perhaps Kodos wasn't in the wrong, that he had taken the right actions to withstand the famine.

And that was when his veins filled with an unbearable anger that he unconsciously broadcasted to those nearest to him inched away without exactly knowing why. He knew that the teacher was just trying to ignite a discussion, but his stomach revolted so he left, which was why he was now hunched over a toilet and gripping the sides like it was his lifeline.

Images filled his mind - he was back on Tarsus with a scorching sun in the sky and he was hungry and everyone was dying.

And he was running, running, but he wasn't fast enough but they were getting closer and then they had him and he was struggling wildly but they were to strong while he was weak from hunger and exhaustion -

A hand touched his shoulder and Jim jolted back to reality. He was crying and heaving and shaking and he could barely focus on whoever's hand was gripping his shoulder.

"Breathe, son," and Jim tried to do just that but it wasn't as easy as it sounded as he tried gulp for air.

Eventually there was nothing left to come up and he collapsed back, exhausted, into Christopher Pike's strong chest.

"Shh, shh..." the man soothed, and he gently maneuvered Jim to face him and wrapped his arms around the distraught man, rocking him gently and murmuring nonsensical things into his hair, trying to calm him.

He was pleased when Jim didn't pull away. Kirk had always shied away from contact that was meant to be comforting - as if he was scared to let anyone in. But this time there was no protest.

Eventually Jim stopped sobbing. He remained burrowed in Pike's arms and had no energy to move. "How'd you find me?" he mumbled at last.

"Your teacher sent me a message about you running out of class and wanted me to get you in trouble. After I found out that you were studying Tarsus it wasn't hard to guess that you'd be in the nearest bathroom."

Jim grunted.

"You should've come to me earlier," said Pike. "I could've gotten you out of the Tarsus unit." Kirk said nothing, content to remain burrowed into Pike's arms.

"C'mon, kiddo," said Pike eventually. "Let's get you out of here before class lets out and you become some sort of sideshow for everyone to stare at." He rose and gripped Jim's arms and helped him stumble to his feet.

"Where'r we goin'?" muttered Jim. He was tired and his mind was blissfully numb. Weariness made his clumsy and he stumbled. Pike steadied him without comment.

"I'm taking you to my place," said Chris. "The only thing people are going to talk about is going to be Tarsus for a while, and I don't think that you want to be surrounded by all of that. But I want you to concentrate of walking now so we can get you out of here before classes let out."

Chris's transport was waiting outside. Jim got in first and Chris sat next to him, somehow knowing without needing to be told that Jim craved physical contact. He told the computer where to go - not that it was far, his apartment was on the outskirts of the city. And he held Jim close and stroked his hair and wondered if this was how it felt to be a father.

The transport pulled up to his apartment and Chris nearly had to carry Jim inside; the kid was really out of it. Chris could not imagine how he must have been feeling - terrible would be an understatement - and he wasn't quite sure why the kid hadn't broken down until now. The Tarsus IV unit had started one and a half weeks ago and had a week remaining.

In the six months since Jim's enlistment of Star Fleet, he and Chris had grown closer than either of them could have anticipated. Officially, Pike was Jim's advisor - a position that he had gained only after a long fight with the brass. Jim was Pikes only advisee, something that Chris was perfectly happy with.

Their relationship had had a rocky start, with Pike routinely yanking Jim into his office and yelling at him for some misdemeanor or another. ("Why the hell should I go to class? I could take the final tomorrow and ace it!"), but after eating dinner together every two weeks, Chris had really gotten to know and appreciate the kid.

Jim really was a genius, and Chris had no doubt that he would graduate in three years instead of the standard four. Chris had been able to arrange for Jim to test out of most of the entry level Academy courses, and he was currently driving his Command Track teachers crazy by not appearing to pay any sort of attention in class while still managing to get more than a hundred percent on every quiz and test.

Jim had been accused of cheating more times than Chris could count, but none of the accusations had amounted to anything because Jim's creative, abstract answers and unique methods of solving math and science problems was so different from the teachers' that it didn't make sense for him to steal the answer key.

Chris figured that he was one of two people who could actually claim that he knew at least a sliver of the real James Kirk (the other person was Leonard McCoy. Bones, as Jim called him).

The real Jim Kirk was a lonely man who was afraid of trusting anyone. He hid his true demeanor behind layers of confidence and bravado and the reputation of being a ladies man. (Chris rather hoped that Jim would grow out of that stage sooner rather than later.)

But now Jim's defenses had been removed, and Chris couldn't help but feel concerned. Jim was apathetic and slow to respond; Chris couldn't tell if he was aware of his surroundings or not. He was probably in shock.

Chris's apartment was a modest, with one bedroom, a living space, and a kitchen. He shuffled Jim into his bedroom and sat him on the unmade bed. He began to rifle through his drawers, and got out a clean pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. .

Jim was in the same place where Chris had left him, staring blankly at the wall. Chris wondered what he was seeing - he doubted that it was the wall.

"Jim?" he said gently. There was no response. Definitely not the wall, then. "Jim?" Chris tried again and put his hands on Jim's shoulders.

Jim flinched.

"You still with me, son?" Jim nodded jerkily.

"Take off your cadet reds," Pike commanded, "and put this stuff on. It'll be more comfortable. I'll be right outside, so if you need me, just holler, okay?"

"'Kay," muttered Jim.

Chris smiled at him gently and left the room.

Jim mechanically undressed and put on the clothes that Chris had given him. The pants were a little short, but he didn't pay any attention.

He couldn't think straight. Everything was fuzzy and jumbled in his mind, and his carefully constructed walls had crashed down, leaving him with a pounding headache and an inability to sort everything in his brain out.

He put his hands on either side of his face and sank to the floor, trying to make everything just go away.

"Jim?" Chris called out. Jim didn't respond. "Jim? Jim - I'm coming in." Pike's voice was anxious. The door opened and Pike crossed to his side almost immediately and squatted down in front of Jim. "C'mon kid, up you go." He wrapped his arms around Jim's waist and helped him stand up. Jim let out a strangled moan. "I know, you've had a shock and been through hell, let's just get you into bed."

Chris sat Jim on the bed and hastily straightened out the covers, and helped Jim lay down. He drew up the blankets over Jim and settled himself on the other side, with a PADD.

"Stay," Jim said. His eyes were heavy, but he managed to squint at Chris.

"I'm not going anywhere," soothed Chris. He ran his fingers through Jim's hair, and Jim made a soft noise of contentment. "I'm not going anywhere."

...

Thanks for reading. Please review.

Note: This is a one-shot. Slight possibility of me writing a stand alone fic that could go with this.


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